We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
