Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
