mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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