people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We are two peas in an std pod
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
