You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I touched a dick in church today
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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