If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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