those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
