I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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