she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize