Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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