The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My ass is underappreciated
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
