my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
