she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
