either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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