i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize