It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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