i think my tv is drunk
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
