I'm lost and stupid without you.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
