I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
