so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
