dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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