Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
