There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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