Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
