Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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