I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
