apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
