his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
