She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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