I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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