fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize