So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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