Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
