What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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