There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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