So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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