Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize