It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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