put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
