Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
