found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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