Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
