my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
