thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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