Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
