called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
