I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
