Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
