He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
