my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
