just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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