Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
