i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
