I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
