U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
