Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
