$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
