haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
