i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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