Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
