I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
