He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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