did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
