don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
